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    Parenting – Part 3

    In this episode, Ms. Swati Salunkhe highlights another area of concern in parenting, i.e. Managing Tantrums, Misbehavior and learning among kids irrespective of their ages, as of now, talking about younger kids where they are starting their school or academic life, maybe playgroup, pre-primary, nursery, senior Kg or First standard onward. Parents say that I discipline, but he just does not listen, or he becomes adamant on certain things as he requires certain ABC or XYZ, we are talking about tantrums or misbehavior. As adults have a fixation of certain things like food, clothing, etc., so does our kids. They get fixated to certain toys, dress or something to eat. Again there is a thin line parent need to be observant about. We, giving our wholeheartedly everything to the child, can just be a beginning of all these things.

    As parents, grandparents or other family members, we provide our children with anything and everything they feel like could be right from a separate bed, pillow, water bottle, plates and it goes on and on. Certain things are quietly acceptable, but not always. As this could be just a seed for the child not behaving properly, socially and creating tantrums, if he/she does not get things as he/she wants. Children will definitely cry, they will definitely show their anger, or that they are upset by the crying, by howling. Have heard of children banging their heads, well those are extreme cases. You may not feel very good about it, that he gets what he wants. Frankly, these are the concerns you need to get into. If the child is too adamant on a certain aspect regularly, then it’s time to recheck what you are doing with the child, are you feeding the child with it or restraining it. Once it’s clear the child is very adamant about it, start pulling up the strings then and there itself. If somebody has made a note of it, do not ever give excuses.

    Most of the time we hear parents saying ‘you know otherwise he doesn’t do it, it’s only today and I don’t know really why?’ You have very well covered the child yourself. If it’s wrong and something going above the limit, put an end to it, very nicely. Not asking you to behave abruptly, but very nicely you can make your child understand. Throwing tantrums for toys or dress is very natural because that’s the way a child knows to react, do not fall for it. Make your child understand, speak to the child, the child will definitely understand, but if you say ‘He just doesn’t listen, he takes whatever he wants, he knows his ways’; you have actually given all the keys in your child’s hand. See that you are very vigilant on those grounds. With that comes learning too.

    I have seen parents at an early age giving all sort of educational toys, storybooks, coloring books, all acceptable, nothing wrong in that. Because more the child picks up at this language the more the fantastic it will be for the child in the later years. The problem comes when a four year, five years, six or seven years old is put into various firms in the sense of music, dancing, swimming, arts, martial arts, something to do with science, not all to be borne at one point. You need to restrict it. If the child enjoys why not? but a child cannot have such a time table life at an early age.it could be very paradoxical that this is the age the child absorbs a lot of things, but that does not mean you need to burden the child with so many activities. A proper sleep, proper social time, with a little bit of entertainment time and also something and nothing to do also. Make the child a habit into it, do not put the child into too many learning things.

    Learning doesn’t mean here only ABC or learning a language; its seen parents running to lots of things at certain ages which are not required. May your child is really scared of water, or talking in front of people or maybe not comfortable coloring. Take cues from what your child is telling you. The child may not be verbally expressed, but the child shows the discomfort. Try to work over it, giving your own comfort zone between the family members itself and then taking up to the next level. Remember learning, misbehaving and controlling tantrums is going to be throughout. The earlier observed, the earlier worked upon it, is always better for the child holistic development. Most of the common concern of young parents or for the parents who are first-time parents are covered here. Concerns will change and grow with the growing child, will talk about it in some other episode.